University Anxiety

Recently, I achieved Finalist status in the QuestBridge College Match scholarship program (http://www.questbridge.org). This program awards 100% scholarships (including 4 years of tuition, room, board, books, and "personal finances") to its winners for whichever university or college they choose (from a limited list, of course). I chose MIT.

I recently found out that I did not, in fact, win the scholarship. However, since MIT already has all my information from that program, they have given me the opportunity to apply (without QuestBridge) Early Action. "Early Action" simply means that I will receive my admission decision earlier than Regular Action; it is not binding like the Early Decision process, so I can still keep my options open. I chose to take this opportunity.

According to the E-Mail I receieved from MIT, I will find out their decision in "mid-December", which I'm guessing is around Dec. 15, give or take a few days. This is only about 2 weeks away! The anxiety is setting in.

I'm beginning to wonder if I set my sights too high with MIT. But then, I also applied to some less competitive colleges (Rensselaer Polytech being one), so I don't have to worry about not getting into any university.

As of now, I am simultaneously nervous and excited. Within the same two-week span, I find out I didn't get the QuestBridge scholarship, I will find out if I'm accepted to MIT or not, and my high school's first semester will end. What's so special about the beginning of the second semester? I graduate soon, of course!

My graduation date is May 15. That's only 5 months away! At times it seems as if it's only creeping forward like some slow-motion video, but at other times (such as now) it seems to be rushing towards me head-on. I'm excited about being out on my own for the first time. I'm excited about living the college life, and persuing what could be the beginnings of a lifelong career in Biochemistry.

At the same time, I'm a bit frightened about my future. I don't doubt I will make it out unscathed and prosperous; that's all somewhere between University and Life. What does scare me is the beginning of it all, my freshman year at college. Will I be able to do it all right? Will I find my classes, will I adjust to the new teaching style? Will I manage to pass my first year and not flunk out the first semester?

I know these are irrational fears commonly held by those beginning their life in the so-called "Real World" (and I don't mean the MTV show), and yet I can't seem to shake them. Perhaps I'll feel better once I find out to which colleges I've been accepted. Perhaps it will take longer, and I'll only relax once my first semester at University is complete. I don't know, but right now, I can do nothing about it but wait. Sit and wait for that letter in the mail beginning with the six endorphinous words: "We are pleased to inform you..."

-IMP ;) :)

P.S. I know "endorphinous" is not a real word, but it seems like the best word to describe how I will feel if and when that message comes. Besides, we define words, not the other way around :) .